How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
