I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize