Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(780): View more from Alberta, CA

i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.

Fav 33 1018 6319
share tweet
(980): View more from North Carolina

I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.

(704): View more from North Carolina

oh, you finally did the dishes then?

(980): View more from North Carolina

No, bought new ones.

Fav 48 8015 1660
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(256): View more from Alabama

Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.

Fav 27 1732 5193
share tweet
(609): View more from New Jersey

I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.

Fav 21 5336 1468
share tweet
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.

Fav 4 1792 665
share tweet
(214): View more from Texas

I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).

Fav 2 673 940
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(701): View more from North Dakota

Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.

Fav 5 1281 631
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(641): View more from Iowa

You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel

Fav 3 563 473
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(270): View more from Kentucky

I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.

Fav 9 662 175
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT