There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
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Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
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My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home