I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
