Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
