can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
