So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Come back. Shots need mouths.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
