You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
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BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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