Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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