Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.

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  (703): Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out. http://tfl.nu/rmo5
  Replies (7) Good night (3405) Bad night (1021)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.

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  (715): i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign. http://tfl.nu/r2le
  Replies (15) Good night (5229) Bad night (980)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you

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  (412): She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you http://tfl.nu/82k6
  Replies (6) Good night (4522) Bad night (1017)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.

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  (780): Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance. http://tfl.nu/w65a
  Replies (17) Good night (3291) Bad night (832)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.

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  (828): At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed. http://tfl.nu/va1q
  Replies (16) Good night (1425) Bad night (4466)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme

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  (662): looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme http://tfl.nu/w8jn
  Replies (16) Good night (3830) Bad night (1659)
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.

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  (289): Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger. http://tfl.nu/9mbe
  Replies (17) Good night (5473) Bad night (1036)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.

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  (702): Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism. http://tfl.nu/d72k
  Replies (1) Good night (1675) Bad night (493)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor

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  (303): Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor http://tfl.nu/xy0n
  Replies (4) Good night (2148) Bad night (625)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not

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  (910): He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not http://tfl.nu/zx60
  Replies (3) Good night (560) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.

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  (720): His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home. (1-720): I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that. http://tfl.nu/5b3q
  Replies (23) Good night (1770) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?

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  (320): how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back? http://tfl.nu/ycg3
  Replies (13) Good night (1015) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers

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  (859): The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers http://tfl.nu/vamg
  Replies (0) Good night (1846) Bad night (405)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!

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  (928): I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night! http://tfl.nu/vne9
  Replies (0) Good night (1113) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake

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  (585): if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake http://tfl.nu/burq
  Replies (2) Good night (522) Bad night (355)

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