My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?