My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.