i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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