I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
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He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
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At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba