Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
