Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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