I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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