I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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