I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
