She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
