She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
