I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
