Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
