I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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