He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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