Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You took a bar mat shot.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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