i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
