Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
