i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
