yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
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You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
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You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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