Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
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The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
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Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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