i jhust puked up my retainher.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
