Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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