Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
