went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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