"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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