I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
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You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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