I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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