i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
