So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My vagina just clenched in fear
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
