Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
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The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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