Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
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I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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