apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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