I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
