I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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