so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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