tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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