I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
