Its about making memories worth repressing
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
