I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
