I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
