No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
