i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
