id be glad to
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
