The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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