it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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