After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
