I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
