drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
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There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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