You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
