apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
