What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
