you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
