I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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