Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
