You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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