What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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