She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just blew my weed a kiss
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize