I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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