We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
