sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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