The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
