took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
