I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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