Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
