Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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