Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
