just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
