this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
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Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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